n. the tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it—whether through envy or pity or simple foreignness—which allows it to drift away from the rest of your life story, until the memory itself feels out of place, almost mythical, wandering restlessly in the fog, no longer even looking for a place to land.
— Ender Wiggin (Ender’s Game)
n. the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place, as maladapted to your surroundings as a seal on a beach—lumbering, clumsy, easily distracted, huddled in the company of other misfits, unable to recognize the ambient roar of your intended habitat, in which you’d be fluidly, brilliantly, effortlessly at home.
Me and this place.
n. the frustration of knowing how easily you fit into a stereotype, even if you never intended to, even if it’s unfair, even if everyone else feels the same way—each of us trick-or-treating for money and respect and attention, wearing a safe and predictable costume because we’re tired of answering the question, “What are you supposed to be?”
n. the realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore—that although you thought you were following the arc of the story, you keep finding yourself immersed in passages you don’t understand, that don’t even seem to belong in the same genre—which requires you to go back and reread the chapters you had originally skimmed to get to the good parts, only to learn that all along you were supposed to choose your own adventure.
peacelovehellokittty said: Hi there. I am struggling. Lately, all I want is to just maintain positivity and balance in my life. I feel that my job had been getting in the way with that. Over the summer I had succumbed to the many demands and extreme stress it put on me. I did not have any time for myself. It was my entire life. I don't want that again. I want time for myself, friends, family. Music. Art. I find myself less motivated in my job and slacking, and I feel bad. What do I do?
This desire for time to yourself is a form of rejection. So long as you resist what is going on in your life, you will be ill at ease.
I understand where you are coming from. I’m the kind of person who enjoys time alone to read, meditate, watch movies, listen to music, and play with creativity. That’s all wonderful stuff. But don’t make them into a burden by suffering in their absence.
I don’t think I really understood this truth until I started school again this fall. I have no time to myself between work, school, and my internship. I’m so grateful when I get home and have even an hour to unwind.
When I was this busy in the past, working on film shoots and whatnot, I would get very pained and discontent. I would feel that loss of me time. Now, however, I have noticed that I don’t resist my obligations. I just do them.
And by ceasing to resist them, I am at peace with my moment to moment livingness.
What are you really desiring when you desire alone time? It could be just ego preferences, like positivity over negativity. Or it could be simply the wish to unclench.
Firstly, I don’t recommend seeing and thinking in terms of positivity and negativity. Here is a post why. Secondly, don’t wait for demands and stress to build before being willing to address them. Meet that which is being demanded of you with your full attention and non-resistance. Then stress is negligible. Make that your art.
Life will not always be this busy for you. It is an ebb and flow with such things. While this is the way things are, go with it and make it yours. Absolutely make time for friends, family, and yourself when that is responsible and possible.
By ceasing to resist this period of challenge, you can re-discover how little you actually need to be at ease. You don’t need music or art or friends or even family. You just need to be with yourself and unclench.
It would also be good to find a little time to practice meditation and mindfulness.